Nefertiti:

If you’re single and looking it becomes really hard to stay committed to trying to find someone. Meeting and getting to know people gets exhausting, so when my cousin signed me up for plenty of fish I was not excited at all. I didn’t like the idea of online dating. I thought it was odd to meet a stranger off the internet, but she was convinced I’d be alone forever because I was too picky. The first couple of guys that approached me were looking for a quick hook up and I wanted love. I dreamt of my husband, my 2-3 kids (I want 7 now), my career, and my mansion. I knew it was coming, but none of the guys online were looking for that.

My desire for love started to fade and I wanted someone to have a sexual relationship with until I started to talk to George. He changed everything for me. George and I spoke online for a bit and we kind of hit it off. I was still skeptical about the whole idea of meeting someone online so I never gave him my number or agreed to meet up. However, we did speak a lot mainly because he filled a void. Eventually he got annoying because he kept asking for my number, but I wasn’t ready to give it to some random, potentially catfish, could be a killer guy my digits. I’m sure he was trying to make sure I was not a man, but I still withheld my number for another week.

When I finally gave George my number he called literally in minutes of me giving it to him. What I did not expect was to hear his thick accent blaring through my iPhone speaker. It caught me completely off guard. There are some accents that I love and some I wouldn’t be able to put up with during the dating period. He had an african accent. I have nothing against Africans, but at the time I was young and laughed every time I heard them speak. That is definitely not the case anymore! I was a little disappointed, I did not expect him to have such a thick accent. He mentioned his roots, but also mentioned that he’s been here for a while so I assumed he sounded like me… silly. After hearing his voice it honestly turned me off. So it took me a while to find the time to meet up with him.


It was my friend’s birthday and I planned on going out, drinking, and meeting him after I had some liquid courage. My cousin was going to drop me to make sure I didn’t die – I know avoiding this situation would prevent my potential death. I wore timbs, a plaid skirt, and a denim top. After my friends dinner my cousin dropped me off. My sister, cousin, and friend definitely thought I was crazy for meeting him for the first time in his house. I swear I didn’t have a death wish.


As I entered the house the first thing I noticed was that he lied about his height. I was taller than him in my timbs, which did not feel good. My mind was going crazy and I wanted to leave, but somewhere inside told me not to be so rude. Short men need love too, but my mind was screaming find love with a woman willing to love your shortness not the girl who prefers tall men. I felt betrayed, I felt my heart sink because I was so turned off by this stump. The other side kicked in. I said to myself “Nefertiti, you’re here already. Enjoy whatever he has to offer and go home.” I took my shoes off and I was no longer looking at the top of his head, which did not make me feel better.


We sat on his couch and talked for an hour or two, but I was honestly there for one reason. Yes, I wanted a relationship, but not with him. I decided I needed to speed up the process of this interaction. I asked him if he’s ever had emotionless sex. He looked at me like I was crazy, he was completely clueless. I wanted to laugh cause I was a pro at having sex with no emotions involved. I explained what I meant by emotionless sex and making sure he understood that there would be no kissing involved. I can have sex that’s easy, but kissing someone I have no emotional attachment to feels gross. Strange I know, but kissing to me is sacred. It makes sex more passionate and I wasn’t looking for passion with this short dude .


Anyway, I basically had to convince him to have sex with no kissing. We went upstairs and that’s when I realized that this was a terrible idea. He started sucking on my shoulder and his mouth touching me felt disgusting. I needed things to go a little faster. I took his shirt off and thats when I saw it.


HE HAD NO BELLY BUTTON. I looked down and then up at him like what the heck is going on. He got up and said he’d be right back so I picked up my phone and messaged my friend saying comeeeee now! She replied saying they were outside. I got up, picked up my bag and as I went down the stairs he was coming up. I simply told him I have to go, I’ll call you later and left. No hug, and definitely no kiss goodbye. 
I never called him and never replied to his messages. 

George actually had an umbilical hernia. Years of watching Greys Anatomy taught me that he could get it surgically removed by a general surgeon. If you watch Greys then you know Karevs brother had an umbilical hernia, but when I first saw the gigantic lump there was not enough sexual frustration built up to have sex with No Belly Button. George got a new name that day.

Lesson learned: Do not meet random strangers at their house for the first time. Give yourself the opportunity to leave without them seeing you. When your brain tells you to run for the hills, listen. You’ll avoid meeting men with an umbilical hernia.

The question still remains… Is it normal for men and women to meet for the first time in a private setting?