Makeda

My life changed after that phone call. There was a lot that I had to change about myself, my surroundings, and my goals. My boy needed someone to watch his friends kids. I was like “Hey, money in my pocket, a TV to watch, and a house to myself.” Why wouldn’t I take this opportunity? When I met her she had four kids. I wasn’t prepared to watch four kids. I was grew up with a lot of older cousins, so I never had to babysit.

Being around so many kids made me want my own. I had serious baby fever. I wanted a baby so bad I went to toys r us and bought a doll. You know the babies you get from parenting class? Mine looked that real. I bought clothes, shoes, diapers, and a stroller for my baby doll. I went everywhere with her. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s how bad I wanted kids.

Sarya took my friend and I into her home. My friend was nasty, she stole from Sarya, and when she got her housing call she let me come with her, but told my friend she gotta go *Tommie from LHHATL voice*. She needed help with the kids, which helped me because I didn’t know where I was going to go if she told I had to go too. Once Sarya had her 5th child I was positive that i did not want kids anytime soon. My baby fever hopped out of my life like a no good father. I didn’t start paying bills until I got a job and started going to school. Sarya made it very clear that I was not allowed to stay at her house if I wasn’t working and going to school. I respect her taking me in as her own. She was like a mother to me; she taught me how to be woman. Sarya taught me the importance of doing my taxes, doing my eyebrows, told me to always leave the house looking presentable, and taught me how to cook. She was the first person to make sure I spoke to my mom. Even when I don’t want to speak to my mother Sarya would speak to her and update her on my life.

“I was Makeda the Scammer. I was snatching money and food from all the foolish fellows.”

I was free child, but living with Sarya gave me more freedom because i had somewhere to lay my head at night. I didn’t have to worry about where I was going to sleep that night. With freedom comes exploration and I did a lot of exploring. I was partying non-stop and having a ton of sex at the same time. I was a thot (a promiscuous women) without a care. I was Makeda the Scammer. I was snatching money and food from all the foolish fellows.

There was this one guy that I was talking to, but no one else knew we were in relations. I couldn’t tell anyone about him because my friend liked him, but he didn’t want her. We weren’t serious because he was married and I was seeing other guys, but we spent a lot of time together. One night I went out with Sarya and my cousins to an after hours party. My cousin and Sarya started talking and left me at the party. Till this day I blame them for the latter events. I saw this guy I knew from a while back and decided to stay back with him. I was inebriated. Completely gone from drinking Grey Goose. We went back to his house and the thot in me had sex with him.

Two months later, while I was wrapping my stomach with saran wrap to go out I started to feel extremely sick. I was vomiting and getting the cold sweats. The minute I cut the band off I felt 100% better. It was a snowball effect after that. I got all the signs of pregnancy at once. I called my cousin to take me to the clinic and blood test said “Makeda, you are about to be a mother!” My cousin asked me what I’m going to do about my pregnancy since i had no car, no place, and i was in school. I honestly had no idea what i was going to do. When I told Sarya she was disappointed, but that lasted 0.5 seconds. She started buying diapers and other necessities for my baby.

I signed up for Ontario Works because I was supposed to be on bed rest. I was bleeding a lot during my first pregnancy. When I told the last guy I had sex with that i was pregnant he urged me to have an abortion. To me, abortion was not an option, but I started to doubt my decision to have the baby. The father wanted nothing to do with my baby and I didn’t want to do this alone. Sarya knocked me back to reality, she said “If you never lay with dogs you would have never woke with flees. You better be responsible. You can’t turn your back on your son because the father decided he doesn’t want to take responsibility. You helped me raise my kids Makeda, I consider you my baby daddy. I know you can do this.” Her speech was what I needed to prepare myself to raise my son alone.

I messaged my dad and told him I was pregnant, but he didn’t read the message. My sister said she called him after I sent the message and asked if he saw it, but he didn’t open it yet. They went back and forth because my sister wanted him to read the message and he wanted her to tell him. I spoke to my dad after that and he said, “I hate the fact that I always have to hear about things from other people. You kids make it seem like I’m not understanding.” I didn’t know my dad had feelings when it came to us.

I was six months pregnant when I met this African guy on Plenty of Fish and we were talking over the phone for two months before we met. I never told him I was pregnant and he never noticed. During my pregnancy I lost a lot of weight. I went from 185 lbs to 128 lbs. At 8 and a half months I told him i was pregnant, but he didn’t believe me. I had to lift my shirt up to prove my pregnancy to him and he was shocked. From that day he was at my beck and call. He took care of me and wanted me to stay with him which caused tension between Sarya and I.

The night I went into labour he brought me to hospital, but didn’t stay. I thought it would be awkward to give birth to another mans baby with him in the room. I was walking around the hospital, but I was feeling so much pain. My sister was trying to help me and I cussed her. The nurse said I couldn’t get the epidural and I called her a dumb African bitch. The pain hit me to hard I dragged off my wig. When the nurse came back looking for me I said, You dumb bitch, I’m right here. I was mean, but I was mean because I was in unbearable pain. I had my son at 6:56am.

That changed my whole world. I had to let go of the old me, I couldn’t be the same girl and be a mother at the same time. If I remained angry at my family i wouldn’t be able to be the best mom to my son. Every child i brought into this world taught me that i can’t have hate in my heart for anyone because i don’t want anyone to have hate in their heart for my kids. Has anyone in my family reached out regarding how i was treated, nope. I’ve never received an apology, but i smile everyday knowing that I’ve never needed them for anything. That was my karma. After my first child i still made silly decisions, but i learned how to be a mom through experience.

My past molded me to be the person and mother I am today. I don’t want my kids to be too privileged because the things I’ve seen on the internet baffles me. The attitudes of some of these kids are plain nasty. I see people older than me have kids and they couldn’t live on their own. They’re too dependent on other people to do it themselves. When I give my kids something I tell them this is not something you’re getting because you’re entitled to it, but because I want to give it to you. I think its funny when I see women say their kids are blessings, but they teach them nothing. What are their values and morals? I wouldn’t change anything about my life because I have both. I wouldn’t change anything about my life because it made me a better person. People glorify their kids, but don’t glorify the process of making them great. I’m proud to say that my first child is street savvy and the second is book smart. My first son isn’t as book smart as my second and I blame myself. A lot of things slipped through the cracks. I try my best to work with him now and he’s improved tremendously.

After my second son I went into a shelter. I was living with Sarya, but I left with 3 bags. My second child father would bring groceries and I’d sleep at Sarya’s every weekend. One night, my eldest son started screaming, “I don’t want to be here!” He kept repeating that while he was slapping and punching me in the face. I started crying. No, I was hysterical. I said to myself I need to do shit differently. This was a wake up call for me. I wouldn’t suggest a shelter to anyone. They are bed bug infested and not somewhere you want your kids to be, but if its your last resort be sure to work your ass off to get out of there. I didn’t want someone to call CAS on me so I decided to call them on myself to get ahead of the situation.

I’ve grown tremendously over the years and I’m actually thankful for every person that has shaped me into the woman I am today. I am happy, in love, and grateful for my three beautiful children. I didn’t see love in my future, but I have it and I thank God every day for bringing me a man who loves my kids as his own. To all the single mothers and single women out there take it from me.. he’s out there!