She loved him so deeply that it made chasm in her skin. Craters of muscle and blood. Her neurons bruised by the love she had for her beau. I saw her break right before my eyes. Those eyes filled with dreams and hope turned to pain and hate. It was as if someone… Her love had seeped through her skin and attacked all her cells. The beauty of their love turned into a god awful disease. Her enzymes were unable to protect her from the infection that love inflicted on her. She will overcome this.. Well that’s what I kept telling myself. I had to stay positive for a friend. She’d drink herself to sleep. I asked her why couldn’t they work?
She said.. “My love was too deep. It was too dangerous to hold onto someone that could kill me. Not literally, but mentally. He could mentally destroy me. I’m already cold. Corpse-like. It would’ve been worse. I wouldn’t come back. Id be frozen and that.. That my friend is detrimental to anyone who loves me. Our love had my panties wet all the time. Nascar, horses, bikes, Nike free runs. My mind was always racing. Just one… Finger… Touch… would make me extremely weak. Imagine an avalanche. That was me whenever he touched me. Danger doesn’t begin to describe our explosive love.”
Will you love again?
“Those nights when tears start spilling out of your eyes and onto your pillow because no ones shoulder is soft enough. You feel trapped in the bones of your skull because your mind won’t allow you to think straight. You start to think of all the negative shit that will continue to bring you down if you continue to think. So you close your eyes, envision the life you’ll lead tomorrow in hopes that your brain has registered the fact that you are ready to sleep. Ready to put your mind at ease because of all these displeasing day dreams. As the thoughts continue to run wild your conscience wakes up because they are more aware of your desire to drift to the land you’ll soon forget than your brain that continually takes this train to destruction. They say sleeping is for the weak, but what if sleep is what kept me alive so that I wouldn’t die from a tumor in my brain that I’ve created with pain to block out memories that are too real to feel in my life beater, my blood pumper, my life line. I’ve become insane in my membrane from thoughts that I’ve allowed to eat away at my soul, turning me extremely cold. When my eyes are open, when I’m not dreaming, when I’m not sleeping… I’ve allowed these things to distort my perception of good and bad, right and wrong, black and white. From the core of my complicated brain I’ve created a monster unwilling to love the pieces of me that I struggle to accept. My past flaws I’m unwilling to forget. My deep roots that I will soon regret and my pain struck eyes that tell a story that the world neglects. So you ask me will I love again? The answer is no because I refuse to let another ruin what I have left”