I’ve always wanted to travel and explore the world, but my lack of funds has been a damper on my wild adventurous side. My dream destinations are Japan, Egypt, Africa, and Amsterdam. Luckily for me I was presented with the opportunity to go to London, England. My cousin called me about a job in England and I was all in! Who wouldn’t want to go to England for free. Sure, they have a high suicide rate because it rains all the time, but its England. However, once I heard the details my dreams came crashing down. I may have a danger seeking side from time to time, but under no circumstances would I put myself in a situation where I could be hauled off to jail. Obviously something shady was going down, but I still wanted to go. My cousin had this worker named Suzy who wanted to go and risk her life and all I had to do was accompany her on the trip so it wouldn’t look illegal. A little background on Suzy; she’s a mother who has no sense, doesn’t know chocolate melts, can’t do simple math like 20+8, and she thinks its okay to stick a suppository with the foil on it up her daughters butt. How does a human like this exist? I have no clue. Although she was not the smartest I thought she was cool chick so I definitely wanted to go experience England; not with her, but free trip here I come. The guy setting up the trip was my cousins baby daddy, so I didn’t have any reservations. I couldn’t tell my parents I was going to England for free, so I told them I was going to Jamaica randomly. I’ve always been the kind of person to just pack and go somewhere alone so they weren’t shocked, but they didn’t believe me. They asked my cousin and she told them the same story I did. No one knew about new adventure except for my two cousins and my BFF. When we got to the airport this guy gave us a Starbucks card for food. Yep, I said Starbucks. YAY SANDWICHES.. not! He also gave us money for our train ride and taxi fare.. that’s it. I thought it was odd, but I was getting a free trip so I wasn’t going to complain. When we arrived we had no complimentary breakfast so that started my first string of messages. He responded with, “Don’t worry I’ll fix it,” which he did.

“Suzy had family there so they took us to see Big Ben, River Thames, the London Eye, and drove us around. London is breathtaking. It was an amazing experience!”

Day 1 in England was super chill. Our hotel was a 5 minute walk from the mall so we went exploring. They had all the stores I love; Zara, TopShop, H&M, and American Apparel (RIP). The McDonald’s is a lot healthier – hahaha I just said Mcdonalds and healthy in the same sentence out loud. The KFC was pretty much the same. However, I witnessed this poor KFC worker get bullied by a customer. Scary, but I’m semi gangster so I didn’t sweat. We spent day 1 settling in, exploring the streets, and telling whoever would be looking for us that we were away on a trip.

We were suppose to be in London for 3 days. I was in school full time and I had a part time job. After the second day baby daddy told my cousin we had to stay for another day which would be the whole weekend. I said okay mainly because I was in London, but I was still mad which was followed by another string of messages. He explained that he wouldn’t be able to get the product until the fourth day (not my problem, but okay). We explored England some more. Suzy had family there so they took us to see Big Ben, River Thames, the London Eye, and drove us around. London is breathtaking. It was an amazing experience!

On day 3 my cousin told me he needed us to stay another day, and I made sure I let him know that was not an option for me, “Yo, I agreed to three days, no longer. I have shit to do. I have a test on Monday that I will not miss for this unorganized bullshit. First, the breakfast shit is all fucked up, now this. You gave us a fucking Starbucks card. You are wack as fuck. You better get me back on a plane by tomorrow or I will blow up this whole fucking operation that you have going on. I’m not playing. And if you think you can leave me here remember I have family eh. I can call them and get my own flight back playa. I’m not playing.” He blocked and deleted me off BBM and told my cousin that I’m disrespectful. We never spoke after that day. He did get me my flight though.

I left Suzy in England and thank God I did. I am truly blessed because on her way back the silly goose got stopped by airport security officers (probably because miss smarty pants opened the merchandise after it was sealed). LOOK AT GOD. They searched all her bags and found a paper with my name on it. They asked her if I knew anything about her extracurricular activities and luckily for her she said no. She called my cousin on the officers phone to inform her about the hold up and that she got caught (EEEEDIOT TING, EEEEDIOT TING DAT), but my cousin is no fool so she acted like she had the wrong number. Now she has to go to court and I have no idea if baby daddy helped her at all.

It may have been a short trip, but I can say I’ve been to London, England. The long flight and the time difference is totally worth it! Minus the fact that we didn’t get funds to explore the London, I have to say I’m blessed and I was still able to explore the capital of England because of Suzy and her family. The accents are 100% panty wet worthy. It did rain every day that I was there, but it was “winter” and it was still warm-ish. The weather didn’t bother me at all. In fact, I enjoyed it. CHEERS TO LONDON, ENGLAND! I’LL BE BACK!