Dear Diary,

I’ve been thinking about my energy and importance of keeping it clean and peaceful. I always notice a change in my energy when I’m around certain people and it feels like I’m robbing myself. As a kid, I’ve always struggled with letting things go and keeping my surroundings free of bad energy. I kept a box of “memories” that eventually turned into two boxes. The same goes for people, but its a group people I continuously let back into my space. I’ve always had this forgiving nature that eventually caught up with me. Forgiveness is taught as a child and I took that lesson and ran with it. I’ve forgiven people who didn’t deserve it. The problem with forgiving everyone is that you start to pollute your life. You keep people around who don’t deserve to be in your life, so you get stuck in the same place, the same relationship, or in the same immature mentality that you should break free from.

If I’m being honest, I was a hoarder. I hoard people and things, but I recently learned the art of letting go. I did a purge a few years ago where I threw out a bunch of things that no longer had meaning to me. A love letter and bracelet from an ex-boyfriend, some birthday cards from people I no longer speak to, and some other trinkets that I just didn’t need. However, that purge didn’t help with my hoarding. It was easier for me to throw things away, but I still held onto people. You would think that someone like me who comes from a large family would be able to drop people like flies, but its the complete opposite. The bigger the family the more people you have to forgive over the years, which may turn you into someone who easily forgives. Don’t misunderstand me, forgiveness is key for growth and development, and letting go is just as important, but walking away from people and situations determines how strong you are. I was forgiving men for cheating and constantly settling for men I knew wouldn’t reciprocate what I could offer. I was forgiving friends who were thieves, users, and friends who literally had no morals. Sounds like I had no self respect right?

I can’t tell you how I stopped forgiving people or why I stopped holding onto things, but I’m running in that direction. I don’t have it all figured out, but I prayed about it and here I am. I’m not recycling anymore. Polluting your life with people and things that don’t need to be there just holds you back. It may sound selfish, but you need to put yourself first. I was watching a clip of life coach, Iyanla Vanzant speaking about the importance of being SELF-FULL. She was saying that your cup should be full before you start giving yourself to people. “My cup runneth over. What comes out of the cup is for y’all, but whats in the cup is mine.” My takeaway from that is to be SELF-FULL when choosing who you surround yourself with. Don’t let your loyalty for someone outweigh their loyalty to you. Don’t let someone guilt you into doing something that does not feel right. Your glass should be full at all times, meaning you should be secure and confident with every decision you make.  When your glass is a quarter full and you’re making space for people and things before yourself, you are POLLUTING your glass with waste. Allow your cup to overflow. Allow your space to be clean. Keep your energy safe and for those trying to pollute your cup, stop them from disturbing your peace.

~ SCREAM